Home Sweet Home

I used this same title for an essay I wrote in Junior High.  It talked about my desire and curiosity to revisit my homeland one day, in hopes to satisfy my unexplainable feeling of incompleteness.  I think this may have been the first time I openly expressed these feelings to someone other than my confidante, my older sister.  This would also have been the first time my mother would be confronted with it [or perhaps the first time I can remember her being confronted with it].  I can't recall her exact response, but I do remember her praising me for writing such a good essay [for which I received an "A+"] and remarking what a good writer I'd become *smile*.  Despite such a clear indication of pride, I was always concerned of somehow hurting her feelings for thinking about these other people and this other life that didn't involve her or the rest of my family.  I did my best to keep those thoughts on a back burner, immersing myself in the joys of a fantastic childhood and upbringing with my parents, sisters, grandparents, aunts + uncles, and friends.  But time after time, my thoughts would be visited by questions of my past.. questions I knew my parents would never be able to answer.. questions that ultimately delayed, if not paused all together, my growth and maturation as an individual and professional.

I went into this trip with no expectations, but with hopes of locating my biological mum - fully aware this would be a challenging endeavor.  I didn't find my birth mum, but I ended up finding so much more.  All these years, I thought finding her would fill that 'void' I'd felt my entire life, but in the end, it turned out reconnecting with everyone from the orphanage was all I was truly seeking.  I'd always viewed 'family' in a slightly different light than many around me, and now I know why.  Everyone I had the privilege and honor of meeting and/or being reacquainted with became an extension to my family.  They were my family.. for three-and-a-half years!  And I am still in disbelief that I can again call them 'family' 26 years later.  There truly are no words..

This was, without a doubt, a remarkable life-changing experience.  The woman who stepped off the plane at SFO on 12.12.09, was not the same woman who stepped on the plane on 11.26.09.  I finally feel whole.. and am ready to conquer the world!  I finally made it home.